mclovintoday

She was so special that she was alone.

Everyone wanted a piece, but not the full pie.

So she was alone.  Sad.  When everyone thought she was happy.

Her heart warmed the world like the sun.

But when everyone took a slice, she was left cold inside.

And so she was alone.

I’m back on social media.  Sorta.  I went back on Instagram but not Facebook.  Somehow it seems healthier.  For me and maybe the world.  I’m being inspired by strong women who run outdoors.  Gorgeous photography of mountains and rainbows.  But I also realize that it cultivates this feeling of obsession with others/other things.  Isn’t it interesting that we’re so busy looking/watching/obsessing over others’ happiness instead of cultivating our own?  Gone are the days of sharing pics with a friend over tea after a holiday.  Now we are seeing those pics instantly, wishing we were there.  Does that mean we have more wishes or just wishing things were different all the time?

We should focus more on our own happiness than others’.

I’m thinking a lot about love.  How it can come and go.  How it can be ever lasting.  How it can be with a man and then a woman and then a man again.  Or always with women and then poof!  a man.  How could I see myself with one man for 20 years and be so much happier with a man I can see myself with only 5 years?  It’s all confusing.  It keeps me up at night.  I’d rather watch Nashville.

PS – I miss instagram.

I created 34 goals to achieve before I turn 35 (How am I turning 35?!).  Some goals are serious, many are just things I want to achieve that I’ve been putting off.

One is getting off social media for one full month and I’ve decided December is the best time to do it.  I’ve been doing lots of “boredom” things and instagram and facebook are two of them.  It just feels right to try to break those habits now.  Yes, they are habits and that is dangerous.  It doesn’t help me much.  So off they went.  Bye bye bye.

I find things hard to quit.  Luckily I’m not a smoker (not a puff since I was 15) or a drug do-er, but I find other things hard to quit.  Or maybe it’s hard to start.  It’s one of the two.

They (they who?) say that a habit takes 21 days to form.  Then I realized I haven’t posted for 20 days.  Hmmmm.  So I’m back.  Writing.  Without much to say, but at least I’m doing it.  I’m doing it instead of facebooking.  Instead of instagramming.  Instead of contesting.  I’m doing it to start my brain and focus.

Wouldn’t that be a nice habit to start.  Today.  Focus.  Focus on the goals I want to achieve.  Focus on my work one thing at a time.  Focus on every day doing something that works towards what I want instead of thinking about what I want.  Focus.

The older I get, the more respect I have for rational people.  That doesn’t mean heartless people, but I realize that there’s so much value in the rational.  The sensible.

Watching a friend of mine today with her 11 month old daughter, I loved how she explained to her daughter why bumping her head made her cry.  It’s not just about soothing.  It’s about soothing and explaining.  Why is almost as important as it’s going to be ok.  Brilliant.

And that made me think about how we communicate.  When we see someone crying, do we tell them it’s ok or ask what’s wrong?  Is it I know best or you know best.  And how would the rational come to play?  This post won’t end with an answer.  But it’s non-chocolately, non-sugary food for thought.

Most people who diet know what a Day One is.  It’s when you eff up the day before and say it’s ok because you’ll start again tomorrow.  Or Day One will be Monday after a weekend of ridiculous indulgences.  It’s always a Monday.

Well today is a different kind of Day One.  Why can’t every day be a Day One – starting something new, exciting, hopeful, but without resetting to zero?  That’s sorta what I’m thinking about these days.  And this blog may be the avenue/framework/tool/resource/you get what I mean thing to help with that.

But here’s the thing about this thing.  I can plan to do something every day (and feel badly when I don’t do it daily) or can plan to write the three things I’m most thankful for each day (and worry when I only have 2/3).  So instead of all that, I’m going to freeflow.  Yup.  Just like I did in Grade 12 English (where my teacher and my friend had a weird thing that I pray to G wasn’t romantic/sexual) where I would flow about … everything.

So today is Day One.